I honestly enjoyed this video. It was interestingly informative, but for a couple of different reasons.
Reason number one, while not blanketly accurate, it does explain the thought process of many men.
Reason number two, which concerned me a little, is that it 90% of the mistakes were visual/physical.
Reason number three, is that it seemed that despite his “love” for black women, he found it much better on the other side. If that’s the case, why would he marry a black woman.
Lastly, reason number four, which also concerned me is that he claimed that if you followed his direction that your man should stay with you for the test of time. I can’t address that in this blog, but I will get to it in the near future.
Hmmmm! Maybe he should have titled it the “Five Mistakes of Many, That Women Make When They Get a Man.” Renaming it may have made it a little easier to swallow. I started to feel the heat when he started to segregate effort by race. The tone of the middle part of the message was that black women, although cool, just don’t get it, and that white women do get it. Well that statement alone is certainly enough to incite a full-scale race riot, but hey, that’s Ray’s opinion.
That being said, I found this interesting enough to breakdown each section with the GENERAL message and make it a little less gender and race specific. Hope you enjoy!
“Never be comfortable…comfort is the cousin of failure.”
I tend to agree with this statement, but it must be qualified. Being comfortable around, talking to, interacting with the person you are with is perfectly normal and often longed for. Let’s think about it for a moment. Do you want to be with someone who you feel UNcomfortable around? No.
However, in the context of his video, I do agree and also would prefer to use the term, complacency (a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like).
No one, male or female, of any race, should feel complacent in your relationship. If you have any appreciation at all for your relationship and keeping it, you should always try your best to be at your best. The question then comes to mind, why not? If you are with someone who doesn’t, for the most part, motivate you to try your best, there may be a deeper issue.
“In being comfortable, you let yourself go.”
As far as weight gain, again he is correct. Unless there is a “life changing” event, most men would prefer that their significant other had a nice figure or at least try to maintain the figure that they saw when hunting you down at the mall, student center, super market, or wherever you all met. In my opinion, women and physical attraction are more heavily scrutinized, not because society said so, but because women show so, in many cases. I find that many women seem to prefer the “teddy bear” type or the men that have “meat” on their bones. Some men may not prefer skinny, but they don’t seem to be as critical of the same physical characteristics women are, in general. A man may not say it, but large love handles probably aren’t attractive to him, but I could be wrong.
Could a 200lb, 5’7″ man with a beer belly have a better dating chance than a woman of equal physical characteristic? Not sure, but I’ll venture to say that society would give her a much harder time.
That being said, both genders should, if only for health reasons, maintain some sort of exercise routine in order to stay in shape. On a more granular level, it would behoove you, during dating, to find out what that other person likes physically and try to maintain that. The key word being try, because although you may not succeed, EFFORT is still one of the sexiest features a person can have.
“How do you expect for him to screw you every night if…Would you wanna sleep with you?”
So sue me for my picture choice, but it’s meant to make a point!
Fellas, she will most likely not wear this to bed every night. Honestly, not even every other night, but every now and then would be nice, right? YES.
Ladies, most men wouldn’t expect this outfit every night. Honestly, wearing it every night could cause him to get too used to it, so sprinkling some spice in the bedroom or around the house, every now and then would be nice.
As far as going to bed looking good, this is tough because the whole point is to be “attractive” to the other person. A woman may love a man in a durag and boxers or jogging pants when he goes to bed. He may conversely look at her in jogging pants and head wrap and see either attractiveness or not. That is a per couple preference. If your night time attire really affects your mate then either you can try something a little more attractive or find a man with different attraction preferences. Easy way to solve this is to ask your mate do you look good to them when you sleep and based on their answer, you can go from there, but please try not to take offense.
*Fellas if you go down this road, you will most likely end up at some store purchasing it, but it truly is an investment. (If you pay attention, you may even want to be proactive and go and by what you like)
“Ladies, wherever you go looking cute, you should look just as cute(fly) at home.”
As far as walking around the house looking “cute,” this is relative, but understandable in some cases. If he met you “fly,” dated you and you were still “fly,” committed to you and now he doesn’t get to see you “fly” much because of “life circumstances” he then has a choice to make.
He can understand and agree and say, “I don’t see her fly as much, but it’s cool, because I know she’s got a lot going on and makes up for it other areas,” or he could understand and disagree and say, “I wish that she would work a little harder to make herself visually pleasing to me on a more consistent basis.”
Whatever his response to that topic, PLEASE pay attention. If he is a visual person you may want to take more consideration in that area if you want to keep that visually appealing appetite fed.
“Ladies, don’t use the bathroom in front of us.”
I agree with this statement. Humans are mentally driven people. Our perception of people, places, or things is very flexible yet inflexible at times. If we have a “bad” chick, we want that all the time, no days off, no breaks. <- Disclaimer: May not be realistic.
Now let’s be honest, many a man has gotten screwed by this expectation, switched trains mid trip and found that the grass was not greener at all, but very much the same grade of grass you just cut last week. This is a slippery slope, but I see his point in general. Disclaimer: This is NOT gender specific. Close the damn door when you are in the bathroom, lol!
“Ladies, don’t break character.”
As far as breaking character, this is important because it is essentially the WHO in who you are. If you are driven, stay driven. If you are emotional, be that way. If you are thoughtful, do thoughtful things. I think that the main point here is that whatever it is that attracted him to you, in regards to your personality or character, you need to try not to deviate too far from. If you have to deviate…IMPROVE, but do not go backward.
Where I believe he goes slightly off track is the statement regarding the minute he sees you break character, he sees your weakness and has control now. Hmmm. If you feel like you are with a man that exploits your weaknesses and takes advantage of your moments of insecurity…YOU ARE WITH THE WRONG TYPE OF MAN! Look for the man that comforts you in times of weakness and tries to strengthen your insecurities.
“The end result we be him inside of you, and you screaming his name.”
As far as being a freak, yes you should find out what he likes sexually, do what he likes, and do it as often as possible. The fact that you won’t or don’t feel like it anymore has no bearing on the fact that he STILL wants it done.
Summing up his complete video is this. Find out before committing to him what he likes and dislikes and do or not do those things! Understanding is POWER!