Before there was Fear, There Was Strength

Dictionary.com defines “fear” as…

1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
 
Wikipedia.com says that “fear” can be widely classified into two types: external fear and internal fear.
  • External fear is caused by something outside of you which you are strongly motivated to avoid, for example: fear of spiders.
  • Internal fear is something outside of you that you link a negative emotion, for example: fear developed out of low self-esteem.

It is not surprising why we live in the society we do. From the good and great things to the bad and evil things. The world has been selfish for thousands of years. We have grown a diseased society that does what it wants, when it wants and doesn’t apologize for it.

The complex part of life is, what happens when we now step out into a world of so much negativity?

How do we handle it?

How do we stay positive, while reflecting on the things we’ve done to others?

How do you trust when you know that you’ve lied or been lied to in the past?

These are just some of the questions, we as humans, ask ourselves everyday. When it comes to dating we have a different and often much longer list of questions and thoughts that stem from “fear”.

Fear in dating has the crippling ability to keep us so tightly wound that we no longer relax when dating. We no longer let our guards down. The FEARFUL part about that is that those types of actions create more fear.

The person that harbors too much fear when dating may cause the following behaviors.

  • A person that, prior to fear, was very open about their likes and dislikes, keeps their true personality hidden and sells a “padded” resume of only the things that are considered “likable” for fear that the truth will leave them alone.
  • A person that, prior to fear, was very creative when coming up with first dates, reduces their creativity to mediocre as not to invest high and gain low.
  • A person that, prior to fear, would kiss on the first date if the feeling hit them, waits six months to even give a first hug.
  • A person that, prior to fear, would introduce a date to family members, hides who they are interested in for fear of what family may think or for fear that the person may not be around long enough to enjoy.
  • A person that, prior to fear, would walk away from an unproductive relationship, stays much longer, in an unhealthy one for fear of dating again and having to relearn someone.
  • A person that, prior to fear, would be completely faithful in committed relationships, keeps “friends” around for comfort, familiarity, and safety just incase their relationship goes south.
  • A person that, prior to fear, would “love hard”, now goes half speed in their relationship for fear that trying “too hard” will come back to haunt them if their mate doesn’t match that or starts to slow down in regards to effort.
  • A person that, prior to fear, would approach or allow themselves to be approached by anyone they found physically, mentally, and emotionally attractive, lowers their standards in order to attract or locate a person that “loves” them more than they love themselves for fear that a person that they love “more” would surely leave them in the long run.

That being said, find the strength to be Brave and Fearless and you will inevitably begin creating an environment of Strength.

  • Be very open about your likes and dislikes. Show people who you really are and the people who stick around after will be that much more “in tune” with you, because they no exactly what and who they are dealing with. Put the representative away and take a chance.
  • Be creative when coming up with first dates. Dazzle him or her and let the chips fall where they may.
  • Kiss on the first date if the feeling hits you. Hug and hug tightly. Smile and smile brighter and longer. Never be afraid to FEEL.
  • Introduce your mate, date or friend to your family. Ask what they think of him or her, but keep in mind, YOUR decision is the one that counts.
  • After you’ve tried all you can, walk away from an unproductive and unhealthy relationship. Take time and heal, but never forget that when you stop dating you stop learning.
  • Be completely faithful in committed relationship, keep friends and lose the “friends”. Apply that same time spent to becoming comfortable and familiar with your new mate.
  • “Love hard” and go all in! Show what YOUR love feels like and let them worry about their own effort.
  • Approach or allow yourself to be approached by anyone you find physically, mentally, and emotionally attractive. You never know when, where, and what “love” is going to look like when you find it.

“Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.” Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

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