The Single Parent Theory

Dictionary.com defines “Love” as…

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

It also defines “Companionship” as…
1. association as companions; fellowship.

It’s interesting how we spend our whole lives looking for a good combination of those two words, yet we find out, through life that some of the most unexpected blessings can come from opening our minds, just a little bit.

Conversely, I think we have all had our fair share of unmet expectations, from relationships that, on paper, seemed to be the perfect candidate for the job.

You are walking through the mall and you spot someone very attractive from across the hall. The first thing you notice is their eyes. They look at you as if to say hello, long before the person’s lips ever move. They smile. An inviting smile. They slow their pace, giving you just enough time to fully capture the “body shot”. They are just the way you like. As your eyes gaze lower you notice, attached to their hand is a child.

What is the first thing that crosses your mind?

  • They won’t have enough time for me, if they have a child to raise.
  • I don’t deal with “Baby mama” or “Baby daddy” drama.
  • How can we go on a date if he’s paying child support?
  • That child looks bad and I don’t even want to go there.
  • I don’t want a ready made family.

These all “may” be valid concerns, if you’ve introduced yourself, said the right thing to even gain their interest enough to exchange numbers, and then get to know them well enough to even be introduced to the child.

The keyword here is MAY.

It is interesting how soon we forget that a single parent MAY be…

  • More responsible, because they have to be if they want to be a good parent.
  • More thoughtful, because the thoughtfulness a child could bring out of you, can’t be compared to anything else.
  • More romantic, because a child can take so much energy, that when you have romantic alone time, you go all out.
  • More appreciative, because doing anything difficult, alone, can truly make you appreciate companionship when you find it.
  • More mature, because raising a child can make you encounter, assess, and overcome more situations than you can think of.

Now I could come up with many more, but I think I’ve made my point.

Before you decide that the cover to the book will tell you all you need to know about a person and their circumstances, keep in mind that some of God’s greatest gifts can come from situations WE originally assumed could have never come from such a situation.

Let’s not be too presumptious for our own “future” good.

To the single parents out there, I believe two major things can make dating a little easier for you.

  1. Have a well mannered child
  2. Have a well mannered “Baby’s Mother or Father”

Either problem could turn someone off very quickly.

The only relationships that are guaranteed to fail, are the one’s that never begin!

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2 comments

  1. I guess I find it totally amazing how so many of us can still judge a situation without even having all of the facts. As a single mom, I live with this type of stereotypical behavior on a daily basis. You see me across the room and we catch one another’s gaze. He looks at me…..then looks at my son. Then proceeds to look back at me and turn away. Why? He has already made up in his mind that I am not worth the headache.
    So, questions run through your mind?
    1. They won’t have enough time for me if they have a child to raise. And, what exactly makes you say that. Being a single parent does not mean we are incapable of doing anything that we feel is worth the effort. But, keep in mind that the key words in that sentence are “worth the effort”. As a rule, we just tend to have little tolerance for bullshit.
    2. I don’t deal with “baby mama” or “baby daddy” drama. Well guess what? I don’t have either of those. See, if you were man enough to get all of the specifics; I have custody of my son. And I mean SOLE custody. No drama now, or in the future. But, you will never know that …will you.
    3. How can we go on a date if he’s paying child support? If he is paying child support, that doesn’t consequentially mean “BROKE”. Hopefully, it means responsible. But, your simple minded ass didn’t take an instant to give him the time of day. Much less time to let yourself be subjected to him.
    4. That child looks bad and I don’t even want to go there. Looks bad? What the fuck does that mean. You haven’t even been introduced to him so, what gives you the right? Maybe he was angry because he didn’t get a toy. Maybe mom/dad and child weren’t vibin’ at that moment. But, you mindlessly think negative in order to rationalize your decision.
    5. I don’t want a ready- made family. I don’t recollect asking you to take on that responsibility. I don’t even know your name. But, you have already jammed me in a category and labeled me as “needy”.
    Shame on you for that.
    If you had been adult enough to follow up on what you think you already knew…you would have learned this about me:
    Never wanted or anticipated being an unmarried mother of one. But, that is the hand that was dealt so, I play it well. I am a great mom who is working on being stellar. I am patient, loving, caring, passionate, easy going, loyal, faithful, understanding, intelligent, beautiful, and an all around bomb ass bitch. To clarify, this is not arrogance on my part. I simply know my own worth. However, I see that you are not worthy of me.
    To speak on the section on having a “well mannered baby mama or baby daddy” ….that is totally out of my jurisdiction. I cannot help what he does anymore than he can dictate what I do. But, what I HAVE done is take the necessary steps to ensure that, if any shit does pop off on his part, he will have 72 hrs to think about his actions. 
    So, I said all of that to say this: Never look at any person that you find interesting and only look at the surface. There is a person inside here. Living, breathing……and feeling. Being a single mom makes me no more or less attractive than the childless woman standing beside me. Nor am I any less in need of companionship. But, since you chose to walk away, you will in no way get the opportunity to have the “Keisha Experience”. Such a loss for you.

    That…..is all.

  2. I guess I am lucky, my kids are great around people. They lucky men that I have allowed to meet my kids always have praised me on their behavior and the relationship I have with them. As for well mannered father, I guess I am “lucky”, because I have 2 that aren’t around at all.

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