Dictionary.com defines “conversation” as…
1. informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words; oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.
2. association or social intercourse; intimate acquaintance.
A good conversation is like good sex. There should be a little foreplay, great intercourse, with some position changing as needed, and multiple orgasms throughout. Then, hopefully if the conversation is a good enough experience to make you want to come back for more.
Conversation is so important, that there are degrees in college dedicated to it.
We converse every single day with someone; a group of people; even ourselves for that matter.
When in or pursuing a relationship, good conversation has very serious implications. A good conversation can bring you closer together. You can learn more about a persons wants, needs, pet peeves, goals, dreams, nightmares, etc. A bad conversation can turn you off, leave a bad taste in your mouth, tell you a lot about a person, or end the potential beginning of a relationship.
So you see her from across the room, train, hallway, store, club, etc. What do you say? Do you compliment her? Do you tell her how attractive she is? Do you try and make her laugh? Do you say something miscellaneous to have an excuse to speak? Do you ask her name? Do you start by telling her yours? Do you buy her a drink? Do you invite her out?
There are 334, 256 things you could say to her, but what would be the most effective? These simple tips may help you figure that out.
1. Genuine is best. If she thinks you are just talking to talk, she may stop talking and walk. Say what you mean and put some sincerity behind it.
2. Clarity is key. If she doesn’t understand what you are saying, she won’t pay attention to what you are saying. Don’t mistake eye contact for understanding. Don’t mistake her entertaining you as interest.
3. Confidence is attractive. Many people are attracted to individuals with confidence and know what they want. State your request/intentions. “I’d like to call you sometime.” “I’d like to take you out sometime.”
4. Observe your target. What are your surroundings? What are they wearing, reading, or doing? You can find out a lot from paying attention. (I’ll show this in action later)
5. Listen. Talking too much can cause you to miss out on learning something about your target that could prove helpful in your pursuit.
6. Timing is everything. Talking too long when they are heading somewhere, is not a good thing. Know/Learn when to extend the conversation or when to say, “It was very nice meeting you, and I would love to contact you later if you have the time.”
Of course there are probably hundreds of other things you may find important, but those are items that I feel can give you positive results.
You notice a very attractive woman. Take a mental note of the following:
1. Clothing. Is she casual or dressy? Tennis shoes or heels? Engagement/Wedding ring or not?
Reason: If she is dressy, she may be on the way to work, coming from work, on the way to an interview, either way that’s worth ASKING. If she has on running shoes, she may workout, been in heels all day, may be laid back. If she doesn’t have a ring on, she may be single or not. FYI: Single does not necessarily mean she wants to change that status with you, so don’t be heart broken.
2. Pace. Is she rushing or casually taking in the moment?
Reason: To want her so bad, you inconvenience her by talking too long, is not very considerate and will be mentally noted. Read the situation and act accordingly. Get to the point quickly and exit the stage if necessary. It doesn’t hurt to, in this case, state the obvious. “I can see you just got off work and I’m sure you want to get home and relax…” “I can see you and your little girl are having mother daughter time and I would hate to interrupt that…” I think you get the hint!
3. Surroundings. Public or private? A lot of people around or just a few? Are you at a store, elevator, office, school, club, book store, etc.?
Reason: You need to be mindful of your surroundings. At school: “What’s your major?” At bookstore: “What do you like reading?” At the office: “What department do you work in?”
4. Purpose. Quickly try and figure out why they are where they are. Are they at a book store looking at real estate magazines? Are they in the spaghetti aisle at the grocery store? Are they in the womens section of Macy’s looking at business attire or club clothes?
Reason: This is a great way to spark a conversation, starting with a single question. “Are you house shopping?” “Have you ever made homemade spaghetti sauce?” “Where do you work and what do you do?”
Once you have a little information then it’s much easier to execute. The information should give you the confidence you need, in order to make a good, solid first impression. Trust me. A good first impression can excuse the fact that you aren’t, Male Model of the Year.
Make love to the mind and the body will follow! (Ideally speaking)